I never thought it would happen to me. I knew the stats, but I didn’t pay any attention. I knew it happened to other people – but i was mid 20’s & far too young for it to affect me.
The truth is – infertility and pregnancy loss doesn’t discriminate. It definitely can – and does – happen to women of any age. It happened to me.
Losing a baby, or in my case – many many babies, is an isolating and confusing experience. When pregnancy *should* be easy. It is what my body was designed to do… Right…?
Losing my first baby boy at 20 weeks gestation hit hard. Continuing to experience recurrent pregnancy loss was absolute tourture. As I proceeded along a lengthy journey suffering multiple 2nd trimester losses, multiple 1st trimester miscarriages and multiple failed IVF cycles, time basically stood still for me. Everybody around me carried on with their lives. Having babies, taking holidays and buying homes.
My mental health deteriorated rapidly.
The grief and isolation that I carried felt unbearable. Pregnancy loss and infertility is so taboo that nobody knew what to say. Did I withdraw myself from everybody around me? Possibly.
The biggest standout for me – is that I didn’t look after my already fragile mental health during this time. I still recall, in the weeks / months following our first loss, as I recovered from delivering my sweet baby boy, my husband and I fell into a trap of staying up late watching TV to escape reality and then sleeping in until lunchtime.
Every. Single. Day.
I felt trapped. I didn’t feel like I could talk about my experiences for fear of bringing those around me down. I needed to seek help. But I didn’t know how. My healing was never able to progress because we were thrown straight into 9 years of infertility and loss.
The good news is, i’ve come out the other side. I have a beautiful Mr 5 year old who was worth absolutely everything we went through. I have several beautiful angels looking down from above.
My hope, is that by opening up conversations around infertility and pregnancy loss, if you are ever in the unfortunate position where this happens to you or somebody you love, that the stigma will be gone. That there will be supports available – for however long it is needed.
I am so grateful to be involved with Liptember and raising money for such an incredible charity. Please support us!
Click here to head to our fundraising page to make a donation: https://www.liptember.com.au/jpflmteam